I am here today to address a very serious issue that has come up at recent DDPP meetings: What To Fucking Wear.
Ladies see our flyers, they hear about us from their friends. And they ask the inevitable question: Is it a dance party? Or an exercise class? The answer, of course, is YES. But that doesn’t answer the question of WTFW to Dance Dance Party Party.
Now, WTFW is a recurring issue in a lady’s life. There are countless magazine editorials devoted to this very topic, as well as to the related topic, What NOT To Fucking Wear. Let’s say you have broad shoulders and narrow ankles, and you work in a chicken processing plant but you often go out dancing after work. I guarantee you that Lucky, Elle, and even Jezebel have an opinion about WTFW.
If you’re like me, you get a little! bit! tired! of being told WTFW. Wear a boxy top to minimize the size of your calves! Don’t overdress on the first date! Bend over and make sure your bra doesn’t show before you go to that wedding! You know what I say to all that? YOU bend over. Don’t tell me WTFW! I’ll wear hot pants and baggy jeans and sweater vests and cowboy boots wherever and whenever I please! At thirty-two, I am old enough to take the consequences.
This is all to say that at DDPP, which has an explicit “No Judgment” policy, You Can Wear Fucking Anything! In the past, people have worn: yoga pants, halter tops, t-shirts, tutus, bicycle shorts, minidresses, sports bras, tennis shoes, no shoes. The main thing you should know is that you are gonna get really hot and sweaty, so to keep from overheating you might avoid turtlenecks; and that you will be dancing on a wood floor, so for the sake of your ankles high heels might be inadvisable. But if you still need some guidance, here are some ideas: